Verbally abusive wife? (004-Q1-Dylan)

Dylan asks, “What’s the best way to deal with verbal abuse?”

Answer (From Podcast Episode 004):

Dylan, I’m guessing your wife is calling you a lazy bum or a loser or a waste of space. Something like that.


How would I deal with that? I’d give it back to her. I wouldn’t sit there and take it, that’s for sure. If she tells me, “You’re a loser,” I’d say, “No, you’re a loser, but I’d rather not call each other names. I’d rather we both kept our mouths shut.” Okay? That’s what I’d say.

It’s thumper’s rule, basically. If you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything at all.

Now, Dylan, if she’s verbally abusive, you should ask her why she’s unhappy. Because unhappy people often take it out on others. Maybe tell her you want her to be happy, and if she’s not, then you’re willing to help her get happy. But you’re not willing to let her treat you like a verbal punching bag. Try getting to the root of her unhappiness.

Of course, if you’re acting like a lazy bum, and she tells you that, maybe you should check yourself to see if she’s right. I’m not saying that she is, just that maybe she’s unhappy with the way you are. Maybe you’ll need to make adjustments.

But still, don’t let her abuse you like you’re a spineless turd. If you throw it right back at her, she may decide you’re not just easy to kick around.

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