Wife not interested in same things? (003-Q1-Kale)

Kale says, “Love my wife, but we are not really interested in the same things any more. She’s been getting really homey lately, wanting to garden and plant flowers, etc. I’m not into that at all. I prefer going out, listening to live music, movies, that sort of thing. Any thoughts? Thanks.”

Answer (From Podcast Episode 003):

Kale, here’s my answer. I understand your dilemma, and you’re not alone. It’s common for couples to develop different interests over the years. It’s all part of growing and changing and keeping boredom at bay.

What’s important is doing things together. I’m sure you realize that. You need to develop common interests, and this usually involves compromise. If she never wants to go see live music, for example, that can be a problem, because you enjoy it. Likewise, if you refuse to plant a garden with her, then you’re not participating in the things she enjoys. Marriage is a give and take. And giving means that you give her a little, and she gives you some, too.

If you want her to go see live music, you need to do some of her interests, as well. Mainly, you have to design your lives so you’re doing things together. Now, that may mean thinking outside the box. Suggest alternatives that you might both agree on for shared hobbies.

I’m a big fan of staying at home and making a life together at home. So I think gardening and planting flowers together would be wonderful.

If you want to be a Wise Married Man, and if you’re in it for the long haul, you’ll need to work with your wife to find mutual interests, and this sort of work will, probably always, be a work-in-progress. Stay flexible. Try not to get stuck in ruts. Ruts can be really boring. One thing for sure, I don’t recommend very much of you doing things separately—like you do one thing, she does another. Some of that is okay, but, by and large, if you zero in on things you both find interesting, and do them together, I think that’s best. And I doubt she’ll be unreasonable about that.

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