Rob writes, “My wife and I have grown pretty set in our ways. Neither of us seem willing to let go of our personal passions. We do virtually nothing together. What suggestions do you have?
Answer (From Podcast Episode 009):
Rob, as I said in the topic, one of you must initiate change. I’m guessing that you want to improve your marriage, otherwise you wouldn’t be asking the question. My advice is to let her know that you’d like to do more together.
From there, depending on her level of willingness, you’ll have to suggest change. Perhaps the only change that she will accept, at first, is that you can tag along with her as she shops for Beanie Babies. In this extreme case, you’ll be doing the giving, and she’ll just tolerate you tagging along. But at least it’s a start.
Do I suggest that you, or any married guy, become a lapdog? No. The idea is for you to initiate the change by leaning toward the warmth and sunshine. If you’re pleasant company (not a grumbling ass), she may learn to enjoy sharing her interest with you.
Fortunately, it’s normal human reaction to lean toward those who lean toward us. So I think your wife will gradually agree to tag along with you on some venture that you enjoy. Then, also gradually, the two of you can start negotiating on interests that you share, and focusing on those.
Life is short, Rob.
Spend your life with your wife.